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Gonzales Gets a Job
Since leaving the Department of Justice in the fall-out over the U.S attorney scandal, former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has had a little trouble finding work.
Well turn that frown upside down, Alberto, you've got a job.
From Bloomberg:
Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who was forced from his job amid a controversy over the firings of federal prosecutors, has been hired to provide assistance to a special master on a patent case.Gonzales will help former U.S. District Judge Layn R. Phillips oversee settlement talks in the case of a Texas company which claims banks such as Wells Fargo & Co., Citigroup Inc.'s Citibank and Bank of America Corp. are violating its patents for taking and transmitting digital images of checks.
Phillips, in an order signed yesterday, said he needed Gonzales's help because of the number of parties in the case and the "overall complexity of this litigation.''
. . . Special masters are hired in patent cases to help district judges with complex issues. In this case, Phillips was hired to handle settlement talks between DataTreasury Corp. and the banks.
I hope that fmr. AG AG remembers how to do this job.
June 6, 2008 6:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Law.
Lawyer.
You mean there is a connection between those two words?
If there is, it certainly has gotten a lot more tenuous since the rise of the Conservative movement and the Reagan revolution. And those corrupt crooks love it that way.
June 6, 2008 8:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
A "Texas" company. Guess Georgie pulled a few strings. Just friends helping each other out.
June 6, 2008 6:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Not quite. Big money (banks) are on the opposite side of this case and even managed to slip some immunity language into the Patent Reform Act of 2007 (which eventually stalled in the Senate).
Regardless, here's a quote court order appointing Gonzales as special master:
June 6, 2008 9:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
That Washington Post article is extremely lame.
The law being referred to is S. 1145: The Patent Reform Act Of 2007, and in a Senate report Published January 24, 2008: Senate Report 110-259 (GPO PDF), there is a reasonable argument against the validity of the patent (pp 33,34).
Personally, I believe this patent should have never been OK'ed in the first place. It is nothing more than a scheme to profit off of a simple and logical flow chart to achieve a goal on the internet; in this instance to process checks digitally. There was no underlying technology that came with the patent. All it did was describe the process for digitalising checks in broad terms. It is akin to having a patent for the hyperlink, or the click-through.
The real story in this though it the Amendment pushed by Jeff Sessions that would disallow the patent without finding it to be invalid, and that is where Gonzales comes into the picture. By doing it this way, Sessions assures that it becomes a taking of property, and the patent holder is guaranteed fair-market value for the taking.
The Congressional Budget Office Cost Estimate for S. 1145 (PDF), published February 15, 2008, currently places the governmental cost of this amendment at
$1 billion between 2009-2018.
June 7, 2008 12:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Patent Trolls == No Ethics
June 6, 2008 6:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
So Alberto goes from US Attorney General to caddy for a US District judge. After nine months that's the best he can do? HA!
-AF
Andrew Sullivan Is A Fraud
June 6, 2008 6:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
From Attorney General to "assistant to a special master on a patent case".
Is it possible I actually feel a little sorry for Alberto Gonzales?
Phew, it passed.
June 6, 2008 7:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Right there with ya, buddy.
June 6, 2008 10:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Be Strong!
June 7, 2008 2:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Fredo= close friend/ally of GWB. Usually that would also equal a cushy welfare gig after his leaving the Fed Gov. What happened? Oh yeah, Jim Comey's testimony. USA political dismissals & torture & illegal wiretap authorizations still sticking to Fredo like old-fashioned hoof based glue, & just as smelly.
GWB views Gonzales as small potatoes now he's not in a position to aid & abet BushCo.
June 6, 2008 7:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
That is even more pathetic than the US Attorney-meted out patronage jobs that John Ashcroft and others decided to take.
But then again, look who we're talking about here. I doubt he could handle it.
June 6, 2008 7:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
That sounds like a pretty big step down the ladder.
June 6, 2008 7:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's no less than he deserves. He's earned it.
June 6, 2008 7:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
NO! He deserves to spend time in prison for pissing on our constitution.
June 6, 2008 7:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Right. I said it's no less than he deserves. There's still a nice big downward path for him to follow.
June 6, 2008 8:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
An office, a desk, no phone, no inbox.
June 6, 2008 7:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
"There's some mistake. I don't have a telephone."
"We'll get right on it. Actually, have you considered working from home, Al?"
June 6, 2008 7:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
I smell a book deal in Gonzo's future.
June 6, 2008 8:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Disbarment!
June 6, 2008 8:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Special master! LOL! That's a good one....
June 6, 2008 8:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Is there any truth to the rumor that Judge Phillips picked Gone-lawless up on side of the road where he was holding a sign which read:
June 6, 2008 9:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
hee hee!
June 6, 2008 10:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Aw. I was hoping he'd get a job that would make the most of his ability to memorize and repeat a phrase, as in "I don't recall which aisle the deodorant is on," or "You want fries with that?"
June 6, 2008 10:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh boy, is this great
June 6, 2008 11:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
Holy shit. i mean, not to underscore the massivity of this demotion, but I have been practicing law 13 years, and I could be an assistant to a Special Master, which is sort of like being assistant to a glorified magistrate judge.
How do I know this?
A former colleague of mine was hired as an assistant to a Special master two years ago in a fairly significant patent case out of the District of Delaware.
And she was two years my junior.
I graduated from law school in 1995. She graduated in 1997.
Do you have any idea what assistants to Special Masters get paid? Seriously, if it is $110,000, I would be shocked.
This is simply unbelievably humiliating for Gonzalez.
I am simply stunned.
He must have needed work badly, to pay his mortgage etc., because this is like being Vice President of Chase Manhattan, and then taking a job as a branch manager. In Topeka.
Holy shit, this blows my mind.
June 6, 2008 11:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wasn't he a bank teller in Topeka before GWB tapped him for Texas AG? I think he got his big break when he handed out suckers to the Bush girls when Laura dropped by with the daily deposit of cash to be laundered.
June 7, 2008 7:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
If he's treated as a mediator he will likely be about to charge lawyerly hourly rates, to be paid by the parties -- so there's probably some money in it.
But it is pretty much like a Major League Baseball pitcher being hired to throw batting practice for a high school team.
If I were looking for a person well suited to handle complex things, Al is not the first name that springs to mind.
June 7, 2008 11:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
But that's not even the worst part - to my knowledge, Gonzales has absolutely no experience that would suggest that he can be of any assistance at all in a patent case, let alone one sufficiently complex to require a special master. This is obviously a pity appointment. And I think somebody ought to look into it since it is so obviously a waste of taxpayer money.
Mitch
June 8, 2008 12:40 AM | Reply | Permalink
This would indeed be degrading, assuming he had any dignity left.
June 6, 2008 11:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
He has no shame.
June 7, 2008 12:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh man! That is SO pathetic. And yet, it's far better than what he deserves for trying to subvert the very foundation of this country. Assistant Special Master it too good for him. A stint as Assistant Crack Whore would be more fitting.
June 6, 2008 11:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
June 6, 2008 11:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
I hope they won't expect him to actually have to remember / recall anything.
Other than that, he's perfectly equipped for the job!
June 6, 2008 11:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
I find it odd that the Preznit has not provided for his good and loyal friend before this, and in a less embarrassing fashion.
Couldn't Bush have found him some sinecure, say some no-show job at the Bush presidential library?
You have to wonder whether Bush isn't pissed at him, for having performed so laughably during his public testimony.
But given what happened with Scott McClellan, maybe they're only now realizing the importance of taking care of their cast-offs.
June 7, 2008 12:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
Coming soon:
Harriet Miers, Special Mistress!
June 7, 2008 12:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
That's a nauseating image.
June 7, 2008 7:21 AM | Reply | Permalink
Bush didn't call him Fredo.
It was:
http://www.mondotees.com/ProductImages/Decals/D5105.jpg
June 7, 2008 2:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
For anybody that doesn't understand, right, "Special Master" is just an incredibly low thing for him to be doing. It truly is shocking. Everybody's got to eat, of course, but that is literally what we are talking about here.
It didn't need to be this way -- had he resigned 4,5 months earlier or whatever he could be a do-nothing "face man" partner in some law firm. Nod his head gravely, etc. High-paying clients wowed by ex-AG. That he traded that for this again shows what a true doofus he is.
June 7, 2008 3:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, but did you read that he's also doing high school graduations in the Virgin Islands???
http://www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com/archives/15746.html
June 7, 2008 6:27 AM | Reply | Permalink
I hear he has applied for a real estate license in Paragauy.
June 7, 2008 7:15 AM | Reply | Permalink
I can't believe his devoted fan Laura Ingraham hasn't found an intern job for him. Didn't she clerk for Clarence Thomas? Couldn't she make a few calls?
June 7, 2008 9:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Bush & Gonzo, just friends giving each other a reach around.
June 7, 2008 10:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
GET THAT PIECE OF CRAP OUT OF MY GOVERNMENT!
June 7, 2008 10:09 AM | Reply | Permalink
Is he available for birthday parties? He is somewhat of a celebrity, I wonder if my chances of dating right-wing Foxnews anchorwomen would improve by hanging out with him wherever right-wing Foxnews anchorwomen hang out. I could probably fake the authoritarian imperialistic ivy league elitist mindset to bag a hot Foxnews woman.
June 7, 2008 1:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Well turn that frown upside down, Alberto, you've got a job." Love this line. Excellent writing!
I'd still rather see Gonzo - gonzoed off to prison.
June 7, 2008 2:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL, so the corrupt little monkey looking dude got a new job. Good for him.
JT
Ultimate Anonymity
June 7, 2008 2:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
I thought he was a real estate lawyer. What patent experience does he have? I really don't think he's qualified for this job.
June 7, 2008 6:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
But isn't it unfair to appoint someone so identified with Texas, as a lawyer in a Houston firm and as a political figure associated with the former governor who bcame president, no less, to a case in which a "Texas company" is suing companies based in other states?
June 7, 2008 10:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
If I were his career coach I'd have him make a series of How-To videos on Inept Dissembling; Becoming the Least Competent Chief Law Enforcement Official in the History of Your Country; and (together with EPA Administrator Stephen Johnson) The Testimonial Train-Wreck Competition: Play to Win.
I might also recommend a tell all expose a la Scott McClellan, given that the W bridge seems primed for burning. But I don't think anybody has interest in what that nitwit would have to say, or that the nitwit would be able to identify what was scandal and what was mere run of the mill cronyism.
Remember that Gonzales could well have been on the Supreme Court -- and the reason he was not is he was too left-wing!
June 7, 2008 11:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey! Careful, he'll be sucking at the tit of unemployment!
June 9, 2008 12:41 AM | Reply | Permalink
sorry. This was response to Bukowski
June 9, 2008 12:43 AM | Reply | Permalink