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The Best Sex-Scandal Haikus

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The entries in our sex-scandal haiku contest are pouring in. Here are a few of our favorites:

Sanford
Reader F.P.:

Appalachian Trail
Due West - Live Boldly - Head South
Argentina Daze


Ensign
Reader F.P., again:

Keep your friends close by,
Know no boundaries of love,
Daddy will fix it.

And reader S.S.:


Daddy's Casino
Paid off my love chit to her.
Gift, not bribe, I claim.


Edwards
Reader A.T:

Should not have posed for
my weird videographer --
now my hair is mussed.


Duvall (here's a quick refresher on him)
Reader D.W.:

OC GOP,
Eyepatch-wearing lobbyist,
Dripping sex and lies.

TPMmuckraker:

Sex boasts and eye-patch
Underwear rock. But beware
The Hot Mic, Hot Mike!


And finally, reader S.W. got creative, using a certain Christian house on Capitol Hill to tie a few scandals together:

C Street fruit basket.
Other's wives and Argentines.
Coburn as your Doc.

Late Update: And an all-purpose entry from reader D.B.:

If loving you's wrong
Then I don't want to be right.
But I must be right.

Late Late Update, 11/30/09: We got so many good ones, we had to post a few more...

Reader B.T. on Sanford:

Incoherently
Rambling on about my love.
Put a sock in it.


Reader C.L. on Ensign:

In the casino
Of life, I bet on you, and
My parents paid out.


Reader E.S. on Larry Craig:

Between flights, furtive,
The heart reduced to Morse code --
Feet tap in stalls.


Reader M.M. on David Vitter:

Spank me, dear. Spank me.
Afix my diaper with pins.
Money you shall have.


Reader JK on Tom Coburn's role in the Ensign scandal:

I'm a doctor or
Perhaps a Christian pastor
Don't ask me to snitch!


Reader J.R. on C Street:

Landlord's dilemma:
Rent to reckless Congressman
When God won't co-sign.

Join the Conversation!

10 comments

Recommend Recommend (4)

November 27, 2009 10:37 PM   

As might be expected, TPM finds itself at the cutting edge of Haiku controversy: Put briefly, "We don't need no stinkin' kigo"

"A haiku traditionally contains a kigo, a defined word or phrase which symbolizes or implies the season of the poem.

Among traditionalist Japanese haiku writers, kireji and kigo are considered requirements. Kigo are not always included by modern writers of Japanese "free-form" haiku and some non-Japanese haiku.(emph.added)"

My mentor, Mark Schwartz, insists on kigo, altho I have been known to cheat.

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November 28, 2009 7:17 AM    in reply to jollyroger

You sure know how to suck the fun out of it, don't you? I'm thinking that you're much more Roger than Jolly. Aaargh. Avast ye scurvy dog, syllables, syntax and form be damned, prepare yourself for extreme ... disutility!

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November 28, 2009 7:22 AM    in reply to tiowally

Arf! Er, aarrrgggh!

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November 28, 2009 9:40 AM   

The kigo requirement is worthwhile. Otherwise, it's just syllables. Too easy. So much hypocritical fodder to fool with.

Louisianan
Purrs and pees in puffed Pampers.
How much I owe you?

Stall now, time is short,
Black wingtipped Coach Craig exhorts.
Then full food court press.

Thy rod and thy staff
They comfort me at Hampton
Inn and out by 3.

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November 28, 2009 2:14 PM   

I'm glad to learn about kigo. But it makes me wonder how apropos some of them are as the climate changes.

frogs chirp earlier
still: as senators diddle
the world is burning

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November 29, 2009 11:22 AM   

they make little sense
because they are short and dull
I think haiku's suck

Hey! that's a Haiku, I'm a poet and din't know it.

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November 30, 2009 7:00 AM   

kigo FTW

ensign and duvall
oh yeah, and señor sanford
summer blows (get it?)

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November 30, 2009 11:27 AM   

Happiness in fall,
Close felt Heart felt Truly smelt,
Family value all.

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November 30, 2009 1:27 PM   

Sanford Ensign Craig
Vitter - lust listens to the
music of the right.

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November 30, 2009 6:50 PM   

Larry Craig:

No, I am not gay
No, I have never been gay
Yes, I love my wife

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