Going forward, Goldman Sachs employees’ written correspondence will be the model of decorum, will aspire to a higher level of discourse, and will not contain those pernicious profanities which caused the firm so much public embarrassment this year. I shit you not.
The Wall Street Journal reports that Goldman Sachs will begin using a screening software to make sure that its employees’ e-mails, instant messages and texts remain Sunday school appropriate. At a hearing in April, Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI) seized on a Goldman exec’s use of the term “shitty deal” in a email, and used it to hammer away at the firm. But with the help of its new software, Goldman Sachs is finally doing away with “shitty” deals for good. From now on, we can only assume, there will just be “stinky” deals or “sad panda” deals.
Goldman’s no-swearing dictate covers instant messages and texts from company-issued cellphones and emails. Verboten emails could get bounced to the compliance department. Others might be blocked completely, depending on the severity of the language.
There are no set disciplinary measures for offenders, but habitual profaners will be summoned by their managers to discuss cleaning up their language.
Read the rest here. And watch your mouth.
Eric Lach is a reporter for TPM. From 2010 to 2011, he was a news writer in charge of the website’s front page. He has previously written for The Daily, NewYorker.com, GlobalPost and other publications. He can be reached at ericl(at)talkingpointsmemo.com