Well, here we are, the biggest travel day of the year and the Transportation Security Administration is up to its ears in outrage over its new security procedures. (Would you prefer us to take a nude photo or grope you, ma’am?) But it still has its most important duty:
Making you laugh.
From the TSA’s blog post describing what and what not to bring through airport checkpoints:
Pies are permitted, but they are subject to additional screening if our officers see any anomalies. (Additional screening of pies does not include our officers tasting the pie, no matter what they tell you…) Cakes, bread, donuts, turkeys, etc. are all permitted. If it’s a live turkey, you might want to have a word with the airline.
Travel Advice for Meleagris Gallopavo: Stay away from humans.
Travel Advice for Tofu Turkeys: You are not real.
Travel Advice for Pilgrims: Leave your muskets at home and refrain from wearing clothing with large buckles.
There’s a full list of what not to bring (pies are OK!), including your liquids (beer, wine, maple syrup, salad dressing), your spreads (peanut butter, salsa, jelly, cranberry sauce, cheese) and your snowglobes.
But honestly, I’d rather let Shep Smith of Fox News share it with you.
Take it away, Shep: