DeLay: Did Somebody Say This Was the Blue Room?
Ah, the freedom that comes from leaving elected office.
A few weeks after departing the House of Representatives, Tom DeLay served as charity auctioneer at a fundraiser for Safari Club International, a gun-lobby group defending man's right to defend himself against unarmed animals.
“Who wants a beaver?” DeLay asked the crowd, hawking a sheared-beaver vest that a lobbyist later won for $1,400.
"Hoots," reports Roll Call's Mary Ann Akers, "and hollers followed." Probably because the crowd of hunters, hunter-lovers, and those who make their living kissing up to hunter-loving lawmakers understood that "beaver" is a slang term for vagina -- although, who knows, maybe they were super-excited about the flat-tailed, dam-building rodents.
“Everybody likes beaver, even women,” DeLay declared happily, with a passion he once reserved for attacking "liberals." “The best thing about it, it’s a shaved beaver!" he exclaimed -- blissfully ignorant, it would seem, of the disturbing psychosexual inference that prepubescence is somehow erotic in a female partner.
Akers noted that observers thought DeLay "looked happier and more relaxed than ever." I think that's six-beers drunk, according to our Washington Journalist decoder rings. ("Unusually gregarious" is three beers, "chatty" is two. Any lawmaker's behavior past "Happier and more relaxed than ever" usually involves falling down in a gutter, visiting a house of ill repute or throwing up, and you're not supposed to report that.)
But his vagina jokes weren't used up! He used the occasion to insult either the female genitalia or the wildlife of North Carolina:
At one point, as the bidding went up, DeLay pointed in the crowd to Sen. Richard Burr (R-N.C.) as he held up the fur vest and said, “Sen. Burr, they don’t have beaver like this down in North Carolina.”
Ah, well played, Mr. DeLay. Your rapier wit will be missed. Why didn't you ever show up "happy and relaxed" for debates on the House floor? It would have done wonders for C-Span's ratings.
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